The Painful Shock of Leaving a Church

Dear Brother / Sister,

In 1989 I became a Christian and got involved with youth ministry.  In 1994 I started public ministry in a church plant in a city.  In my eagerness to be about the things of the Lord I got very involved with the church and myself as a child of God was immersed in the church.  For years pulpit preachers told me to do this.  I can't remember exactly when it happened but at some point I began questioning the leadership and how the Bible was being compromised. The subtlety in it was not their outright disobedience but how my relationship with Jesus was being mixed with my relationship with church leaders.  They would expect things from me which I knew were not what the Lord would expect.  It was like my inner sense of leading from the Holy Spirit was flashing red lights at me yet I really wanted to be part of this ministry.  Confused and conflicted.

A time came when I reflected this to the leaders and without going into the mud storm that ensued, we left the church.  After this I entered a very difficult time working out what the Lord was doing in all of this.  The church did what humans do and assassinated my character, socially martyred me and instructed evangelistic ministries I was associated with to not have anything to do with me.  In that place of indescribable tribulation I wondered what was happening on a 'God-level.'  I had always felt that no matter what happened to me, I would be like Job "...and though he slay me... Ill trust in him."  I'm one curious individual who pushed on to see what this was about.

I want to explain what God has done to those who have experienced similar trauma and struggle to see what disproportionate pain this kind of thing causes.  I also know of those who abandoned the Lord because of this occurrence.  I hope this helps you to come back to him... It really is a good news story!

The tough bit

Whatever state you are in because of the church issues you need to face a difficult truth:  You bought into the church and it's comings and goings.  You and I were immersed in the church.  The fact that you probably did this with the simple desire to serve God and/or Humanity is complex.  It's like you did what you felt led to do yet it turned to incredible devastation:  "Thanks God!" The pain is unbearable at times.  Feeling that the whole church car-crash was somehow with God's approval can be a dark place.  I want to analyse why God allowed you and I to experience such devastation and trauma.  

Your Rescuer

In the middle of all the pain it's hard to discern what I'm about to explain but please try to get to grips with it. The pain you feel is not caused by your Lord.  It is caused by the proportion of yourself that sourced itself on 'church' rather than 'Christ.'  We were never supposed to be led by church programs or visions... we were supposed to be led by the Spirit.  You and I, with the best of intentions, dived into what we felt was a great idea (and probably was) and got our self entangled with it at a core level.  We felt we should give everything for the program... so we did!  The problem was and still is, we should only give everything to the Risen, Glorified Lord.  

Now here's the point:  The Lord sees all these things and he intervened to rescue us from a scenario where we have over invested at core level in something other than himself.  This was why you felt strangely compelled to leave the church or the project / mission you were passionate about.  He was/is rescuing you!

Why the Pain?

The Lord has to break you from something which has to impact on the way you have invested in the mission / project.  You get torn from things you have invested in and I can only describe that as tangible, measurable trauma.  It is devastating.  If at this point you say this is God causing the pain you would be wrong.  It was your wrong attachments that cause the pain.  Jesus is saving you from wrongly calibrating your core being towards something other than him.  Maybe it is hard to see but God has afforded you possibly the greatest honours anyone of his children can attain to:  to suffer for the Gospel.  Don't worry if you didn't discern this until now... perhaps now is the time to turn back to the Lord in full understanding and discern exactly what caused the pain in all this.   If this seems unlikely we must remember that God had to crush his Son and make him sin, thus becoming separated from him on the Cross.  God will allow hurt to save you.  It's the story of all the bible Characters... now guess what... you have a similar story!

What now?

There's a few things to deal with.  One is those brothers and sisters who failed to love you (and vice versa?).  You now have an opportunity to do what the Lord intended by allowing this to happen:  completely trust him.  From a human point of view the acts of church leaders in these situations is inexcusable.  However, that isn't your problem!  You have been set free from a system and structure that has proved that they are incapable of dealing with another believer in love.  Leave that with them.  They are still in that system and God has his purposes.  Take the higher road and start to see how the Lord has dealt with you as an individual and saved you from that sort of set up.   God allowed these believers to unleash blessed humanity on you to show you a truth about yourself:

You have become or are becoming a product of that church and capable of doing the same thing in similar circumstances.  If you don't believe me examine some of you inner (or not so inner?) reactions to those who hurt you.  Jesus wants to take you on a journey of healing and tenderising your heart not leave you in a hurricane of brewing malice.  It's a process that leads to seeing exactly what has occurred historically to make believers want to set up churches based upon no Scripture whatsoever.  I believe church leaders may be called to lead but the form which they have adopted in a product of history rather than a product of Scripture.

Can't settle in a church?

Many who experience this go through a cycle until it happens again.  People cannot take too much of this so they abandon their faith.  Others like myself was made able to discern how other churches we tried to become a part of were potentially going to do the same thing.  So what do we do for church?  The answer is 'do what the Bible says to do for church.'  The Apostolic church of the first century was numerically small, run by uneducated believers, based around food in someone's home.  By God's design, there is no opportunity to get immersed in missions and projects because this gathering focuses on connecting individuals with the Lord who then leads the individual in their particular walk.  It's not a project or mission that drives the person, it is the Lord.  If you feel you aren't in a great place to lead you've missed the point.  We are handing leadership over to the Lord to lead.  Even if it is your own family... open your bible and trust the Lord.

Jesus really likes us to get fully and entirely 'fill your boots' immersed in him.  In fact that's the whole idea! 

Where is there a church like this?  Find one or start one!  We can help with this. 

What it was all for

Although it's hard to take on board, the Lord set up your freedom from the church to have you find him as your source and point of anchoring.  It is also my belief that the point of it is to deliver you into a form of meeting that is faithful to the scriptures and less likely to have believers become sourced in a work rather than in Christ alone. If I can articulate what the Lord is saying to people all across the world, to those who have an ear to hear:

'Give me back my Church.'

Please share this with believers who are in pain. 

Gary Ward