My dad died about two and a half years ago. Like with any death, it rattled me a little but I did not grieve. My grief was outplayed while he was alive because of his absent celebration of me as his son. He was uninterested and emotionally inert as a dad and it left me having to negotiate some wounds. Jesus can fix this but there are some tricky things to negotiate for anyone who has been deeply hurt in any way.
One of the things the lord has to do when he wants us to walk in authenticity is to have us experience the cross. The cross leads us to death to self and Jesus said to be his disciple we have to be carrying our own cross (Luke 9:23). This involves suffering and trials. About 24 years ago my journey got very bumpy and it looked like the heavenly Father was just like my earthly father. I had experiences that deeply wounded me and I couldn't reconcile why the Father would have me feel like He also has little regard for me or my wellbeing. I spent a lot of time in a paradox: I know that God is loving and caring and values me. My combination punch for feeling low is reading Ephesians ch1 and Psalm 139 - Boom! 'This is the actual truth despite how I'm feeling.' But if these glorious scriptures are true, how is it that the Father has allowed this? It seemed to be another father who, for no reason, chooses to have me feel alone, abandoned and wounded. 'What was happening?'
It turns out that what God was doing was taking me through necessary surgery! Unfortunately to do deep 'heart' work he has to pull out the rugs from underneath us and this looks like orchestrated harm from the Father. But the way to see this is through eyes of faith! The author of Hebrews speaks of the Word of God is like the implements that cut up the animals on the alter in the Old Covenant (Heb 4:12). When God gets to work there must be a dividing of us from the world. This is so God can work His will and purposes through us going forward. I've had a fair few experiences where the Lord gets down to business in this way. My hope is that Jesus who is inside of me can get out a little easier because of this work.
Of course the greatest example of this is Jesus' finished work at Calvary. It was brutal. Isaiah says God 'crushed' Jesus to gain the means for him to be able to rescue us. If Jesus did this and we follow him, it is a high calling to be treated seemingly brutally and to feel utterly crushed sometimes. If you feel like God is not acknowledging a deep hurt in your life because the hurtful things continue, always remember this: in Gods hands pain and suffering is a honourable high calling! Why? Because you are being treated as a son. It is an indication that God can trust you with pain and suffering because your love for Him is genuine (1 Pet 1:7). As we dwell on these truths, the emotional impact of feeling crushed is replaced with the Joy of knowing it pleases the Lord when He can do what's necessary in us then through us. Grace and Peace.
Gary Ward
