As Christ Loved the Church #3

In Ephesians we find that Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her.  The  idea that a man giving himself for his wife is generally rejected because of fear the biblical model would be compromised.  What we have to rediscover is the humility that saw Jesus, the Blessed God come in flesh to give himself for the church.  In this act He never became any less than fully God and the Church never gains authority so what is happening here?

Firstly a husband should never feel the need to assert his leadership. It simply 'is.' However, because what we perceive as 'leadership' today is shaped by our definitions.  Today it seems that the leader has to be the leader by doing something to assert it. Husbands end up making subtle actions, words or decrees that 'put her in her place.'  For some this can be a lifestyle of restriction or even controlling everything in her life.  There's a spectrum of severity to this and not all are harsh.  Even small degrees of this from the husband can spoil a whole range of intimacies between the couple.  From there the building blocks of relationship begin to erode.

Another side to this coin is the couple who see leadership as status.  The feminist movement is not so much about equality as both sexes wanting the trappings of leadership:  control, power, influence, status and sometimes money.  Real biblical leadership is when the person who leads has no lust for these things but does what Jesus did at Calvary.  He forsook his own life for his Bride.  This is leadership... to forsake self for the sake of your Bride.  The fear that the wife will assume to 'wear the pants' is not solved by male passive-aggressive assertion of leadership.  It is solved by an issuing forth of deep humility to give your own self serving over to serve her.  In this she will be met at her core level.  If the wife tries to usurp leadership the problem isn't your leading it is her misunderstanding of the divine order of Marriage.

Husband... you ARE the leader... that you need to assert it is your own insecurity.  Sorry but it is. Having been made the husband representing Christ in the deal... we are instructed to understand deeply the giving of Himself to His Bride.  Then follow suit.  This is something we must go to the Lord to accomplish within our hearts to be able to do it.  If you don't see leadership in this way the opportunity to see your marriage sit in God's design could be missed.

Until we get to grips with our selves and the extent of our tyranny, we will not be in a place to be sent by God.  The process where Jesus brings a long period of core transformation is crucial to leading your family in Jesus' design.  It is my opinion that until we are on the way for this to be in place, no further callings or sending will come forth.

Gary Ward