When you think about it everyone is in rebellion. You are either rebelling against the Blessed God or rebelling against the flesh, the devil and the world. Either way you are a rebel! Up until summer 1989 I was in rebellion against the God who had created the world I lived in and given me the life to form such opinions and stances. I remember the processes of exploring the questions I had about this world. To me there had to be something out there that accounted for the world around me. I was introduced the the Lord at work and believed that God would send Messiah to rescue me from my sin, the sin that meant Jesus had to take my punishment. I 'repented' which means I began re-calibrating my life, thinking and practices to the Lord's will.
This began a process of seeing that God Created the world, the world is in rebellion towards God and Satan was pouring petrol on these flames. I entered missions programs, projects and schemes to win the lost. What was neglected in this grand effort was how implicated I was in the process. While I had a new found passion for the diminishing of external darkness, it was little taught that my own darkness was also on God's agenda. Rebelling against the evil and darkness in this world brought attention and because I was good at talking the talk, I was given a label: EVANGELIST!
Now my identity began to be entwined with that label... I liked fitting in and being applauded for the grace in my life. Whats wrong with that? Er... everything is wrong with that! The label served as a distraction from the number one agenda that the Lord has for everyone. That agenda is sanctification and that process included showing us in full how wretched, pitiful, screwed up and needy we are of Jesus moment by moment. To label me was tantamount to taking a shiny sign - "EVANGELIST" and hanging it on my dungeon heart. The heart is deceitful (Jer 17:9) above all things and it was great to polish the sign now and again! Having 'arrived' there was no point in examining the real me, my core motives and fleshly ways. Obviously God was vindicating me... why would I peruse the dungeon that my heart really was (is?).
Can you see how we throw around titles in church but they can become major distractions to the purposes of God in our lives? We take the roles and functions given by grace to people and do what the world does. We brand people, make them believe they are what their role is, then place them in boxes where they can't be anything else. We are Sons before we are servants. What we do doesn't make us what we are. Gifts are given to us for others, not to own and parade around with them as status symbols.
I was saved from the ministry life that had me doing the above. I am now in outright rebellion towards my flesh, the unseen dark forces that hound me and the evil in this world. Now it starts with me! I am in need of being brought to my knees and that is the central key to everything else sitting in its right place. His Glory, and my comparative shortfall, creates a drive towards Him... not just 'doing Christian things.' Getting fulfillment from doing things is 'works.' This is not the 'good works' Jesus speaks of and James exhorts us to. This is your own works as opposed to Jesus working through you.
First I rebelled against God. Then, as a believer, I rebelled against God's plan to excavate my heart. Now I think I'm in the right place... mourning for the fallen nature of this world that starts with myself when I choose to go my own way instead of walk in the light.
Lord expose my heart and conquer every last atom of 'me' that stands in your way.
For your name and for your Glory.
Gary Ward
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